SUPERTIGERS SURVIVE WAR OF ATTRITION
Sunday’s epic Superules’ battle at Lobethal resembled a war zone at times as players’ bodies succumbed to the stresses of aspirations exceeding abilities.
Both sides lost players to a range of soft tissue injuries which threatened to tip the balance one way, then the other.
South suffered the first casualty when a calf injury crippled a debutant. Two light trainings after five years out of the game is standard Superules preparation but in this case it was either too little or too much.
Next to go was Tommy “The Comeback Kid” Hancock who, after displaying his agility and sublime skills, pulled up as if shot. The “hamstring twang” looked severe enough for the white screen and “lead solution” but Tommy proved that he is made of sterner stuff than that and stayed on the field.
With an incapacitated key forward reduced to a “Hobbling Hobbit”, second gamer Damian Dolman tore his calf muscle, resulting in an early adjournment to the bench.
Tony Oates also began limping but he was unable to pinpoint the exact location of his affliction due to the depth and extent of bandages on both legs.
Richard “Dick” Kleemann struggled early as the game was scheduled between two work appointments, adding pressure for him to perform and depart. This pressure was identified as the cause of him producing the second worst shot on goal for the match.
Damian Wilson severely damaged his self esteem when he out marked his opponent and immediately played on. Everyone at Lobethal muttered inwardly, “Don’t do it”, but Damian, oblivious to his opponent’s proximity, played on anyway.
The subsequent tackle and inevitable holding the ball decision was a succulent moment for a defender and a “groaner” for the victim.
Dave McGill suffered a number of unrewarded high blows but each time his head emerged unscathed and Alex Tucker received his standard quota of pack crushes.
Dave “Runt” Wuttke experienced a damaged reputation when he missed running into an open goal from 15 metres out.
Some players also carried injuries into the match.
One unnamed team member (Ross Wall) was suffering from “Concert Deafness”, a result of a recent visit to town by The Who. In possession of the ball but unaware that the three quarter time siren had sounded, he dodged, weaved, ran away from opponents and handballed to a team mate before dashing past for the return handball. It later dawned on him that the opposition were actually almost at their huddle and his team mate had been talking to the umpire while he gathered in the loose ball.
Gary Magee also carried a significant psychological injury into the match. His “Key forward personality disorder” saw him vacillate between greedy goal fiend and benevolent goal giver.
Fellow forwards were often bemused at either being pushed aside by the hungry goal sneak or sought out for an unexpected handball by the magnanimous humanitarian.
Despite these setbacks, the Hills’ Supertigers gradually overcame a sluggish start to increase their dominance as the game unfolded.
Simon Kemp, three days into parenthood and suffering delayed birth trauma, did trip over the bags under his eyes but was a tower of strength, repelling countless attacks. As he learnt to deal with his affliction he was able to work his way up the field to set up a number of Tiger attacks. Give Kempy another 18 months and he will have forgotten the pain of childbirth and be willing to go through it all over again.
Once Wuttke had reclaimed his hold on the “Worst shot for goal” Dick Kleemann began to dominate, displaying sensational stamina and sublime skills. Wuttke looked much more at home in his impassable role across half back.
The indestructible Chris Gerahty provided magnificent rebound and joined the elite ranks of only five Tigers able to kick beyond thirty metres with any degree of accuracy.
Always one to buck traditional trends, Aleks Bojanic confounded medical opinion by playing a key rucking role throughout the match. Team mates were stunned when Aleks took the field, showing no visible signs of the reattached appendages from operations earlier in the year.
Mark Jaensch, fresh from his Saturday running duties with Nairne displayed his power running and second gamer, Wayne Seymour, proved that some Superulers still can run and bend over to the pick the ball up at the same time.
The injuries and ailments did cause many to reflect on the list of problems encountered over the years associated with Superules.
Many recalled the serious back injury one player received on the morning of the match from rigorously vacuuming the lounge. Others remember the famous dog bite incident which sidelined a team mate for a month. Who can forget Andrew Horwood driving to Bordertown only to lose his contact lense getting out of the car and being unable to play?
Players have constantly battled debilitating issues such as severe groin rash and overly tight guernseys but still performed heroically.
Post match the discussions centred around two key issues.
Firstly what could injured players do to recover for the next match.
Tommy Hancock suggested a trip to the Hyperbaric Chamber but Ron Berry pointed out that in his case it would most likely be the “Hypochondriac Chamber”.
The second issue was the failure of one member of the team to deliver the match BBQ.
He was excused due to his urgent need to attend an alternate cooking session.
HILLS 17 – 7 SOUTH 6 – 7
Best: Kemp, Kleemann, Wuttke, Geraghty, Hancock, Seymour, McGill
Goals: Hancock, Magee 5, Pearce, Watt 2, Kleemann, Seymour, Wuttke 1
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