GLOBAL ECONOMIC CRISIS CHALLENGES SUPERULES
Why couldn’t President Obama and the G20 anticipate the effect of the Global Economic Crisis on Superules? Did Kevin Rudd’s stimulus package take seniors’ football into account? What of Liberal leader in waiting, Peter Costello? Where were his economic forecasts forewarning of the ripple effect on over 35’s football?
No one considered the complex needs of this rarified group of Generation X and Baby Boomers, let alone their reaction to this crisis.
We must initially observe the emerging trends and then try to quantify the causes.
Sunday’s first match of the season saw 22 players front to play Murray Bridge. The opposition team was also well served with 23.
Consumer surveys revealed that for many, Superules will now become a cheaper substitute for some of their more expensive recreational activities. Faced with economic uncertainty, the average middle aged male is opting out of expensive gym membership, illicit drug circles and exorbitant, career oriented, university courses in favour of the instant gratification of Superules.
Tom Hancock, a teacher at Trinity College, who gave up Superules two years ago to concentrate on his career, is back and has enticed two work colleagues to join him. Playing football may be a lure but it is secondary to their fundamental goal of networking to explore alternative career options away from the shaky world of private education.
Coach Dave Piro has obviously been forced to take a pay cut with his game day meal reduced from crayfish to Subway, as he models his image on Geelong’s Mark Thompson.
Chris Geraghty, the club’s only used car salesman, is the first to arrive and the last to leave as he offers hot deals to anyone around.
Suddenly Superules is the one possible solution for those traumatised by the impending impact of the G.E.C.
The upside is that it has provided direction for those wishing to wisely invest their $900 windfall from the Federal Government. The number of players taking the field in shiny new boots was significant. Charged with helping to stimulate the economy, a number of the team were seen sporting new socks, shorts, contact lenses, freshly waxed legs and slightly tinted hair.
Alex Tucker and Kim Pearce had obviously invested heavily in solarium sun tans and Dave McGill in the experimental remedy of Human Growth Hormone.
Aleks Bojanic has incorporated the Hills Superules Club so he can use it as a personal tax haven and Dick Kleemann flooded the change rooms with business cards before the game so he can use his links to the club as a tax deduction.
Unfortunately, not everyone can experience an upside from the G.E.C.
The infamous Marotta brothers have left the club. Challenged by rival gangs encroaching on their territory, they have moved to shore up their share of the far more lucrative Lawn Bowl scene in Adelaide.
Aleks has become a victim of the cut back in private health membership. In need of new Mercedes, due to their ashtrays being full, a number of high profile specialists have booked Aleks into a range of treatments including knee surgery, Achilles arthroscopy, elbow extension exploration and shoulder stretching. Despite this, Aleks is aiming to return to playing in the near future; as soon as enough of his body parts can be successfully reunited.
Despite these turbulent times, the new team gelled almost immediately. With debutant Sean Watt on fire, McGill burning and Hancock dominating, the Supertigers kicked ten goals in the first quarter.
Kleeman was everywhere and when veteran Chris Hill snapped a sensational goal over his shoulder, the Murray Bridge team was on its knees.
Rob McGregor, whose river shack is no longer a water front property, has returned to Superules rather than solve the problems of a nation’s water crisis. He manfully carried the rucks, while Dave “Runt” Wundtke and Simon “Killer” Kemp, having refused lucrative offers from local clubs, continued their great form from last season.
So hungry were players to become involved in the play, that Tony Oates handballed to Alex Tucker and then laid a ferocious tackle on his team mate. The only person more confused by this than Alex was the umpire, who duly awarded the victim a free kick.
Post match scenes in the change rooms were jubilant with most celebrating joyously. One notable exception was new player, Wayne Seymour, who seemed startled by the fact that “It’s really hard to bend down and pick up the ball”. The other was full forward Gary Magee who was struggling to come to grips with the fact that on a day when he only kicked one goal, he actually handed off one to someone else.
The Supertigers reported no post match injuries but many were still sore from their extensive preseason. This took place on the previous Sunday when Peta Bojanic, wife of Aleks, gave the players a gym work out they will remember for a very long time.
With at least six more players to add to the mix next game the future of Hills’ Superules looks about as unpredictable and tumultuous as the Global Economic Outlook. Coach Piro could offer no guarantees of security of tenure, failed to assure player payments and could only reflect on the growing problem by saying “It’s the dilemma we had to have”.
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