The Ross Wall File - Round 3 vs River Murray

IS IT A CONSPIRACY?

Is there a concerted and ongoing plot to unseat the Hills’ Supertigers from their long reign as Superules supremos?

Was the Melbourne Storm a victim of common place system rorting or a covert plot launched by the cunning AFL head, Andrew Demetriou, to usurp a rival code?

Did he insert two ex Saint Kilda executives into the Storm’s management team to bring down the most dominant NRL powerhouse?

Will the AFL now investigate St Kilda?

If found guilty, will they make them hand back their premiership?

Is this an example that Machiavellian plots surround us everyday?

Is everyone out to get us?

David “Runt” Wuttke thinks so. Ever since the Mel Gibson movie “Conspiracy Theory” he has lined his trademark beanie with aluminum foil to cleverly conceal his thoughts from those who seek to track his complex brain workings. Runt doesn’t wear rubber boots anymore when in the kitchen but still experiences trauma when anyone calls “Soup’s up”.

Aleks Bojanic firmly believes that the AFL Masters hierarchy is out to get him since the introduction of stricter rules declaring his appendages deadly weapons only to be used under strict guidelines. The Portland ruckman was released from hospital last week.

Wayne “Angry Anderson” Seymour is convinced the umpires are out to get him. He feels they consistently conspire to eliminate his kamikaze style of play from Superules.

Chris Hill also feels a degree of paranoia. The most senior member of the team often feels that funeral director Richard Kleemann delivers a double meaning when he says “I’ve got your measure”.

Are we being manipulated in other ways?

In Britain the party that wins the upcoming election will need to introduce a range of huge, unpopular taxes to bail the country out of debt and will undoubtedly be voted out next time. Does this explain Gordon Brown imitating Leslie Nielsen’s lapel microphone in the toilet scene from Naked Gun 2? His publicly recorded “bigot” reference to a pensioner should help him lose a lot of votes, but are the British also being manipulated?

Is our state government attempting to discourage us from gambling on racing?

The decision by Rob Lucas to virtually give away the TAB has resulted in consistently lower dividends to South Australians. Was he hoping this clever ploy would discourage us from such a pastime?

Is the media’s history of deifying sporting heroes a concerted and conscious effort to change the cognitive conscience of our nation?

Is Ricky Ponting’s position in the batting order for the World Cup more important than our trade relations with China?

Are the Pandas in the Adelaide Zoo Chinese operatives; secretly relaying strategic information back home?

Do the state and federal governments really want us to be smarter?

Their decision to introduce SACE and new SACE, which some educators believe encourage and reward mediocrity, could be a move to dumb us down.

Are the TV networks in cahoots with government?

How else does one explain the abundance of reality TV programs?

Sunday’s Superules match provided more evidence that Hills’ players exist in a culture of fear and paranoia. Gavin Reichelt and Scott Molloy were unable to play this week due to injury. Under normal circumstances injured Superulers just don’t turn up. These two not only notified the team on their unavailability but volunteered to “man the BBQ” all day hoping to ingratiate themselves to the selectors for the next match.

Stalwart Dale Wiley, a last minute withdrawal, blamed his inability to play on a plot by his wife to keep him at home. Having strained a shoulder getting the washing off the line, Dale claimed his wife had deliberately pegged the clothes on harder than normal.

Ron “Chuck” Berry has long contended that the Superules draw has been stacked against the Hills, favoring the more established clubs.

Our certified numbers man tables many examples of round one away draws against the strongest clubs. He contends that each year the Phantoms, Portland or Pooraka train for months and one is always rewarded with a first round clash with the Hills’ team, whose idea of preseason is one Sunday morning kick. It hasn’t worked. Coincidence? Our boy thinks not.

Not everyone sees that someone is out to get them. When Carl Williams’ wife prodded his stomach and said, “A bit of exercise bike won’t kill you”; who could have known what would happen next?

The Hills’ boys are just trying to stay ahead of the chasing pack.

Fortunately they again managed to stave off defeat by whipping Murray Bridge by 114 points.

Kim Pearce, Ron Berry, Rob McGregor, Michael Toubia, Andrew Frohling and Michael Hill played for Murray Bridge, assisting them to score some of their goals. The junior Hill created further history by being the first son to play against his father in a Superules match.

The Hill’s team welcomed another newcomer, former Port Power listed player David Threadgold, who remarkably got through his first game without injury.

Mark Jaensch injured his pride by losing face over a number of “botched” dropkicks and Damon Wilson increased the paranoia of absent full forward, Gary Magee, by slotting a lazy 5 goals.

Neil Thomson has increased his sporting options by joining former Supertigers’ champion, Alex Tucker, in coaching a netball team. This fall back position comes as a result of the latest conspiracy theory relating to his Superules’ team. Neil is convinced that he will soon be forced out by prejudice against his current vocation.

Over the past two years the number of teachers playing has risen from an average of two to its current status of six, and growing. As the incestuous increase in the number of members of this exclusive clique continues, it is obvious that they will soon hold the balance of power. This recruiting move, that has created a powerful association to rival Free Masons, has made the rest of the team very edgy.

Too much education, too many thinkers; a genuine threat to a benevolent dictatorship.

Uneasy is the head that wears the crown.

HILLS 23 – 7 MURRAY BRIDGE 5 – 1
Best: All played well
Goals: Wilson 5, Snooks 4, Watt, Hill 3, Kemp, Bojanic 2, McGill, Threadgold, Jaensch, Thomson 1