The Ross Wall File - Round 5 vs South

EDWARDS FOR TIGERS

Goodwin Ruled Out

Reliable sources within the hotel industry have revealed the truth behind the sudden retirement of Crows’ star Tyson Edwards.

He wants to play Superules for the Hills.

“Whistle Blower” Aleks Bojanic confirmed that Simon Goodwin’s early announcement of pending retirement was the catalyst for Edward’s departure.Goodwin had intended to slip into the Hill’s Superule’s team from the rookie list at the end of season 2010, enabling him to be reunited with former Panther team mate, David Threadgold.The prospect of playing in a successful team was a significant carrot but captaincy responsibilities meant he needed to at least stay until the end of the minor round.

Not so for Edwards.
'Go for the ball you idiot!'

Frustrated by trying to “soar like an eagle while being surrounded by turkeys”, Edwards felt no such compulsion. He usurped Goodwin by quitting immediately.

This placed coach Dave Piro in an invidious position.

A normal coach would weigh up the pros and cons, check injury status and interview extensively.

Dave was far more decisive. He just opted for Edwards, leaving Goodwin out in the cold.

Coach Piro explained quite simply that with lingering doubt over the fitness of hard nut, “Chrome Dome” Geraghty, it was no contest.“Goodwin has too much hair and would upset team balance” was his rational justification.

Tragically, despite Piro’s endorsement, Edward’s transition to a better team may not be that straight forward. Michael Hill, son of Chris, currently occupies the rookie spot in the team and unless he can be retained under the father-son rule, his departure may rupture team harmony.

As a result, Edwards has agreed to play one more game for the Crows while the Hill’s hierarchy determines their next move.

This bizarre situation has precipitated an avalanche of interest in the Supertigers.

'Dom plays a game of tunnel ball'

With test cricketer Matthew Elliott waiting in the wings, Taylor Walker has also expressed interest in being given a free pass to roam the forward lines at will. The incentive of returning to Broken Hill to play in front of his home town crowd is proving a massive incentive for the disillusioned 20 year old.

The potential player exodus to the Hill’s team has resulted in a remarkable scenario unfolding. Crow’s coach Neil Craig has been seen doing lunch with new mentor Piro as he searches for the secret in maintaining team harmony amongst a gaggle of highly strung, finely tuned athletes.

Piro has the unenviable role of managing a team consisting of only three players who are happy to play in defence. He juggles six “wanna be” full forwards, onballers who don’t run into the back lines and a prolific ball getter who can’t kick the legal minimal distance.

Dave outlined some of the secrets to his success to Craig.

“Keep it simple. Don’t over train and don’t talk tactics or game plans, they’re not the sharpest tools in the shed. Practice your half time joke before delivering it and make sure there is beer in the esky”.

Unfortunately, the pressure did take its toll on the super coach.

At half time in Sunday’s home match against South, Dave failed to practice what he preached. With all eyes trained on him, including Craig’s, Dave froze. He had nothing.

Thankfully for all concerned Mark Jaensch sprang into action with a national Superule’s carnival anecdote he had been saving for just such an emergency. A vivid description of an encounter between Mark, Kim Pearce, Ross Wall, a curvaceous blonde, a slab of beer and a librarian had the team in stitches.

The joke worked as the Hills’ boys lifted and went on to comprehensively demolish a ragged opponent in wet and slippery conditions.

The commitment was evident as Dave “Runt” Wuttke shed his beanie, Chris Hill scored a miracle goal without having first touched the ball and to the amazement of all involved, Troy “Hungry” Snooks “passed off” to Wayne Seymour when within range of goal.

Gary Magee demonstrated skills rarely witnessed on a football field as he racked up a number of missed attempts at handballing and a record statistic for “Airies”.

Dave McGill aggressively wacked an opponent’s elbow with his face and Damon Wilson reinforced Magee’s assertion that some players should never attempt to handball in the wet.

Randall Weekes took a number of strong marks running with the ball while Richard Kleemann and Simon Kemp dominated around the ground.

Suddenly popular Jaensch found himself on the bench, at the coach’s discretion.

The victory was achieved with a number of key play makers missing. This prompted extensive post match discussion about the number of Country Division teams this Supertiger’s unit could beat, if at full strength.

The longer the discussions went, the longer the list became.

Another test for the Supertigers will be their ability to back up with only a seven day break against the unpredictable Adelaide Lions at the Lion’s Den.

Will that be a club record victory number 25?

A week is a long time in Football, especially if your name is Tyson Edwards.

HILLS 11 – 14    SOUTH 3 - 3
Best: Seymour, Kleemann, Wuttke, Kemp, Weekes, Pearce, Thomson, Jaensch
Goals: Pearce 3, Snooks 2, Weekes, Wilson, Jaensch, Hill, Seymour, Kleemann 1