The Ross Wall File - Round 13 vs Gawler

HILLS BEST AGAIN IN SUPERULES

For the fourth consecutive season, The Hills’ over 35s have claimed the unofficial premiership title. Losing only one game, they unofficially accumulated more premiership points than any other team; as a result the Supertigers have once again proved themselves to be the benchmark team in the competition.

Drawn to take on the formidable Gawler group in the final match of the season, the Hills’ team produced a dominant display, exorcising the ghosts of last round’s shock loss to Rosewater.

The victory was characterised by many heroic acts including Wayne Seymour fearlessly launching his “Chrome Dome” at the ball, Dave McGill’s impossible checkside goal, Neil Thomson’s Maradonna like major and Ron Berry parading in his super tight Warwick Capper style shorts.

It also happened to be played in the middle of the Pooraka Football Club’s premiership celebrations. This ensured a constant stream of noise, tuneless singing and the spectacle of the occasional streaker.

Typically, the last hoorah of the season brings the question of “Who will be back next year?

To help solve this dilemma, we must study what each player will do over the summer break.

The suicidal endeavours of Wayne “Exocet Missile” Seymour will be satisfied by his apprenticeship as a “Human Cannonball” at country shows.

Scott Molloy has offered to fire the canon.

Ron Berry will endeavour to squeeze into other 80s fashion outfits.

Burly full forward, Gary Magee displayed a hunger for the ball that made Barry Hall look like a wide receiver. He will no doubt find himself a good paddock to satisfy another hunger during the break.

Aleks Bojanic copped a severe “wedgy” from his opponent in a ruck contest and will search for his “undies” during summer.

Buff little “Body Workshop” manager Dave McGill again displayed his agility, flexibility and athleticism as he worked hard, beating opponents with his core strength and superior “Step Moves”.

The “Gym Junkie” will continue to feed his workout obsession, surrounded by scantily clad females, in the off season.

Sean Watt, who again managed to unsettle an opponent with his lack of Superule’s diplomacy, was a constant threat to peace in the forward region.

“Watty” will pursue his goal of being the next Foreign Affairs Minister.

Chris Hill’s son Michael rebounded well from defence and will work towards moving up the field so he can actually be the only one in the team to pass to his dad at full forward.

Father and son will build their “Hill Cricket Dynasty” over the warmer months to come.

Michael Toubia, in his debutant year, covered massive amounts of ground during each match. He also maintained an arduous boxing workout regime, played with great fearlessness and took on all comers regardless of size. Michael will now look for other insurmountable challenges in the off season.

His plan to trek the Kokoda Trail on his way to visiting the Dali Lama to convert him to Islam is typical of a man who believes that nothing is impossible.

Evergreen Kim Pearce dished out passes like a gate attendant at AAMI when the Crows are losing. In the off season he will endeavour to drink his weight in beer each week; hence status quo.

Randall “Ranga” Weeks displayed exceptional prime ministerial qualities in each match he played during a spectacular debut season. He lacked the “Strine” twang in his accent but was able to backflip readily and change direction and priorities quickly. He won over all his constituents and his presidential style leadership ensured “his team” won in its own right .

Rick Bennett dominated play and mesmerized the Gawler Saints with his raking left foot missiles which he launched with deadly accuracy.

During the break Rick will simply be raking leaves at home.

Dave “Runt” Wuttke rebounded in his normal unfashionable but highly effective manner. Over summer “Runt” will work on eliminating his conspicuous hat hair line caused by an obsessive attachment to a Sturt beanie.

Paul “Fluff” Woods battled manfully against bigger opponents as a back up ruckman. Always the optimist, “Fluff” would always place his team mates in the right place for the unlikely event that he actually got hand to ball.

He will undertake an intense Plyometrics course to recover the spring he believes he once possessed.

Graham “Friar” Tuck, the most functional and reliable member of the team, performed his goal umpiring duties with aplomb. It is hoped that he can manufacture a spare set of flags over summer and develop a water proof cover for his score card.

Coach Dave Piro met his key performance indicators with a series of passable jokes in the last few games.

Some believed it was too little too late, but with the promise of a new gag book, Piro intends to honour his contract for 2011.

Other players who will have challenging summers include Damien Dolman and Tommy Hancock who will require knee surgery; Chris Geraghty who is recovering from a shoulder reconstruction, Andrew Frohling battling a debilitating Achilles ailment and Dick Kleemann who must overcome another premiership hangover.

HILLS 12 – 14    GAWLER 6 – 7
Best: Seymour, Weeks, Bennett, Magee, Wuttke, McGill, Mayes
Goals: Magee 5, Watt 2, Bennett, McGill, Seymour, Thomson, Weekes 1