ROYAL WEDDING FASCINATION
Despite the distraction of the Royal Wedding the Hills’ Supertigers ensured that the PHOS Camden Phantoms were once again a bridesmaid but never a bride against the mighty Tigers.
The game was as tight as the security for the London extravaganza and like a young Elton John, could have gone either way.
This can be put down to the fact that many of the Hills’ players became obsessed with the gala event which severely affected their match preparation.
While the queen decked herself out in yellow hat and matching canary dress, Paul “Fluff” Woods complemented her outfit by playing in fluorescent yellow boots. As if his re-emergence from Singapore wasn’t a big enough shock for the team, his flashy boots and the extra 15 kilos he carried unbalanced himself and his fellow Tigers. Female wedding watchers were moved to observe that “He should have lost a few ponds before trying to squeeze into that outfit”.
Pre game they also commented on the fact that Dave “Runt” Wuttke’s hat looked like a lampshade. Bitchy but accurate.
Just like Justin Beiber teenage groupies, many had tales as to why their lives had parallels to the topical event taking place in Westminster Abbey.
Michael Toubia explained in graphic detail about being descended from a long line of Syrian royalty, but how he is currently banished from his country due to a princely faux pas. When told “You’re dreaming princess”, Michael took that as evidence that his story had credibility.
Kim Pearce, never one to be left out of an interesting discussion, chimed in with his gem that he has a royal affiliation fuelled by the fact that he only drinks “Crownies”.
Dave McGill trumped by describing life on Queen Street while Michael Hill wondered if “Crowning an opponent” put him in a special category.
Matty Mayes had to be told that only betting on Jack, Queen, King cards at the casino does not radiate regality and Gary Magee found that King size McDonald’s meals do not get you an invite to Buckingham Palace.
Wayne “Chucky” Seymour honestly believed that he had royal genes which were widely recognised by his mates at school. “Why else would they give me the “Royal Flush” each day?”
The game was a right royal battle as the improving Phantoms took it to the distracted Supertigers. It took some outstanding individual efforts to ensure the Hill’s remains the only team it has never beaten.
In the wonderful spirit of giving, which emanated from the excitement of the royal wedding, Neil Thomson gave much to his well credentialed opponent. Battling against former North Adelaide star Glen Sandford, Neil gave him height, weight, a decade more in age and a sound flogging.
Randall Weeks, who overcame the disappointment of the reality that drinking at the King’s Head does make him royalty, excelled in covering more ground than British reporters chasing William and Kate’s Aston Martin after the wedding.
Aleks Bojanic had a regal moment when he made a “Right royal hash” of an open goal opportunity. Having slotted one goal Aleks, unselfishly and unfathomably, tried to pass to a team mate when in a position to rack up a second. The brain snap, which rivaled Richard Douglas’ bizarre backward handball the week before, ended in a “Royal stuff up” but did not cost the team a goal or the match.
Post match the sense of relief was tangible but still the regal references continued.
Chris Hill’s slightly receding hair patch drew comparisons to the royal groom’s expanding scalp line. This prompted Chris to explain that he is actually from royal parentage but is now in the witness protection program and can’t reveal his true identity.
In summary the female observers rated Supertigers’ performance as follows:
DRESS: black and gold cover a multitude of sins
TRAIN: like the onballers, slow but eventually get there
HAIR: receding and grey
MAKEUP: not enough to hide the wrinkles
SHOES: rarely matched their outfits
The Supertigers now face tough Port based team Portland in two weeks at Rosewater. The Wayne Weideman led outfit will be primed to repeat their effort against the Hills’ boys from three years ago at the same ground.
HILLS 11 – 11 PHANTOMS 8 – 16
Best: Thomson, Weeks, Toubia, Seymour, Wuttke, Bojanic, Woods
Goals: Toubia 3, Magee, Seymour, Weeks 2, Bojanic, Magill 1
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