SUPERULERS FOLLOW FEVOLA’S LEAD
Kim Pearce admitted he had a problem with beer. This stems from a desire to rid the world of the liquid yeast derivative. To further achieve his goal on Sunday Kim played for opposition side Blackwood in a match which produced a landslide Hills’ victory. Kim forfeited his place in the team’s 21st consecutive victory to gain access to the Blackwood team’s beer esky. Once his post match task was completed Kim progressed to demolish the contents of the Hills’ beer insulator. Concerned that he sensed amber fluid was still flowing within the Pooraka clubrooms, Kim ended his campaign in there.
Simon Kemp (pictured chasing the umpire home after the game) admitted he had an anger management problem when the normally mild mannered “Mr. Cool” lost his composure over a high tackle which lasted long enough for his head to be removed and then stitched back on. When no free was forthcoming, and the umpire called for a ball up, Kemp smashed the ball into the ground so hard it could have registered another earthquake on the Richter scale.
No reading was recorded on this occasion but discussion of the recent earthquake prompted sturdy ruckman, Aleks Bojanic to deny that he fell out of bed at 11.38pm on Friday night two kilometres south of Mount Barker.
Aleks pointed out that it could have been anyone of a number of Superules’ players. His argument hinged on the fact that the collective weight of the last three on Sunday’s best players’ list would be in excess of 400 kgs.
Damon Wilson, who suggested that he “Made the earth move” for his wife on Friday night, disputed that an earthquake even occurred.
Tom Hancock, who missed all the pre season due to glandular fever, admitted that
his compulsion to play was affecting his health. Astute medical advice warned Tommy not to play for 6 months so he did the only logical thing possible; sought other medical opinions until the equivalent of The Simpson’s Dr Nick, told Tommy he could play. His flame burned for a full ten minutes, including two goals, before adjourning, exhausted, to the pine for the rest of the match.
Damien Dolman admitted to the premature onset of Alzheimer’s following his vigorous and enthusiastic shaking of the Blackwood players’ hands at three quarter time as he thanked them for the game. He later admitted the same disorder, when after the match, he put his football gear back on in the change rooms and asked where the coach wanted him to play.
In form but insatiable full forward Gary Magee kicked six but finally admitted the angst he experiences when team mates share his pleasurable pass time. His need to kick goals is matched only by the absence of desire to hand off to team mates when within 50 metres of his personal Nirvana. Gary suggested the logical cure was to let him kick all the goals.
He even sledged David “Runt” Wuttke who was running towards an unattended goal square hoping to break his goal scoring duck. “Runt” was so overwhelmed by “advice” from Magee that the ball slid off his boot and from 15 metres scraped through for a point.
Two more debutants admitted they had joined the “Midlife Crisis Club” by donning the black and gold of the troubled troupe for the first time.
Randall Weeks excelled, suggesting he could do other more functional things with his time, while Gavin Reichelt fitted in perfectly by injuring himself during the match.
Funeral director, Richard Kleemann, again ran riot, dominating the midfield and delivering 5 goals in the process. He did, however, admit to an obsession with checking out the general state of health of his opposition. Glancing back at the panting opponents as he skips away, he is constantly assessing the likely demographic of each team’s local area with a view to extending the coverage of his family business.
Not all the players have been able to admit their respective addictions.
In last week’s game, Dave McGill left the field during a tense last quarter against Portland with “hamstring tightness”. He later admitted the tightness was actually a little higher up describing it as a “Twinge in the betting hip pocket”. It would appear that his need to gamble overcame his commitment to play. Dave was adamant that he didn’t have a problem and was keen to lay a substantial wager with any one prepared to bet that he did have. He also offered the team manager “Double or Nothing” on his match fees for that game.
Another who has yet to recognise his problem is Andrew Frohling.
A highly proficient, and occasionally ruthless defender, he continues to insist that his best position is in the forward lines. “Cunning like a fox”, Andrew washed the guernseys after last weeks game to earn the right to pick his position on match day.
Starting at centre half forward, and slotting an early goal, he became unbearable in his gloating and was swiftly returned to the backlines.
The heart warming cry of “Who’s on Pearcy?” has been a source of reassurance and delight to the Supertigers for years. The same words generated a different reaction on Sunday as he was wearing green and red and again running amok without an opponent in sight. No one in the Hills’ team would admit that he was their problem prompting hard working Wayne Seymour to sit down on the wing in frustration and exhaustion having tried unsuccessfully to track the resilient 53 year old.
Chris Hill admitted that while creating history with the first father son combination in Superules gave him significant satisfaction he took great delight in scoring more goals than Michael. Next game for the triumphant Tigers is in two weeks at Lobethal when they take on River Murray.
HILLS 25 – 14 BLACKWOOD 4 – 7
Best: Kemp, Kleemann, Seymour, Weeks, Magee, Bojanic, WilsonGoals: Magee 6, Kleemann 5, Bojanic, Weeks 3, Wilson, Hancock 2, Frohling, Dolman, Kemp, Hill Snr. 1
